(no subject)

[breezeshadow]

I really can't say if I'll be staying on DreamWidth or not, because all it does it make me anxious, and it's not like anyone seems to have an interest in what I post anyway.

I've had pretty bad writer's block for a few weeks, and also it seems my time of the month brought with it a pile of mess. AMong these are feeling like I'm easily replaceable in almost all aspects of my life, from work to friendships. And then I sent an e-mail at work that apparently confused/offended a lot of people, and ended up with the supervisor trying to give me advice on how to send it next time, but some part of my brain just... Couldn't process what I had done wrong. It's like the autism that is in my genes suddenly switched on. I'm STILL not entirely sure how I could have gone about sending that e-mail without confusing/offending people, which means I probably shouldn't have sent it at all, which just makes me more anxious and feel like I'll be fired, etc.

Communication failures are normal for my life, granted, and most of my coworkers seem to just go with it as best they can. But anxiety doesn't care.

I'm going to a writing meetup again on Sunday, with supervisor possibly joining me since apparently she also likes to write. Hopefully I'll get some work done on AG and possibly FIW then. For now, however, I'm going to try and sip tea and calm down while Thalia dozes contentedly beside me.

Tschuess.

Comments

*hugs*

[ysabetwordsmith]

I hope things work out for you. I'd miss you if you disappeared.

Re: *hugs*

[breezeshadow]

Thank you for the kind words.

[raze]

Aw, sorry for the awkward at work :/ That's no fun. I do hope you enjoy the writing meet-up, though!

[breezeshadow]

I almost started crying while I was talking with her about that e-mail, which really is just embarrassing. And more people are going to tomorrow's meetup than last week, so hopefully I'll meet some more people.

[alee_grrl]

::hugs:: Sorry you have had to deal with so much lately. Anxiety is so awful. I hope that your writing meetup goes well and that things get better soon.

I'd totally understand if you take a break from Dreamwidth, though I would miss you. I'm sorry I don't always comment, but I have been glad to have you as one of my friends and would certainly miss your presence here. That said I can understand walking away from things (for a short time or a long time) that make you more anxious. Sometimes we have to let go of those things for a time. I am firmly of the belief that if something you are doing that is supposed to be for fun makes you anxious or feel more than an obligation than a joy then it is probably time to take a break from that thing.

Anyway, lots of hugs (if you want them)

[breezeshadow]

Thank you for the kind words, and I'm sorry I don't reply much to your posts either. Unfortunately, part of my social anxiety is thinking that I shouldn't "bother" people, which makes social sites like this in general really difficult for me.

Dreamwidth has always been hard for me to handle, though perhaps more so in the last few months. I've been trying, but I feel like I don't have anything to contribute.

Thank you for the hugs *hugs back*

[alee_grrl]

I have gone through many period like that myself. I've tried becoming part of blogging communities prior to my joining dreamwidth and just couldn't deal with the anxiety it caused. As I've gotten my depression, anxiety and Lyme (which worsens both) more under control (therapy, medications, etc) I have been more comfortable being part of something like dreamwidth. But it is very okay to need to walk away for however long you need. It may be a forever sort of parting, it may be a shorter parting. No matter what though it is a fine decision as you need to do what is best for you.

I do consider you one of my friends, and if you would like to chat outside of dreamwidth feel free to private message me. I would be happy to provide you with my gmail/gchat info. I also understand if you do not wish to do that, because I know how awful social anxiety is. I still worry about bothering people, even those I consider family. It's better than it used to be though. So there is hope.

[breezeshadow]

Aww, thank you! I honestly was operating under the assumption that people hear didn't give a shit about me or what I did, so it's really nice to hear I was wrong and that you consider me a friend.

Yeah, I'm hoping once I get into legitimate treatment for my depression and anxiety that things like this will become easier for me.