Guilting Myself is a Past Time of Mine

[breezeshadow]

So I was watching videos from some liberal-leaning YouTube channel (because humans generally stick to things they agree with) when some ad about animals came up. I stayed to watch it, curious, since it involved legislating for and undercovering animals abused in factory farming situations. It also almost made me cry because this is me.

The organization is Mercy for Animals, which I then checked out because I've never heard of them and suspected a PETA organization. But it seems they're independent, and doing work to encourage a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle.

So then I start reading about the egg and dairy industry.

And I have no idea why I fucking do this, because I know perfectly well the sort of horrible shit that goes down in factory farming. And I could guess just from logic that cagefree, free-range, and organic don't really do jackshit. Because why would a major company like Archer Farms or Eggland, which offers the typical run-of-the-mill battery eggs, somehow offer "cagefree" as well? They sure as hell don't have a random extra pasture, is what I'm saying.

This of course caused the horrible guilt of "I am a terrible person condoning the suffering and death of thousands of animals, I SHOULD BECOME VEGAN OR I'M A MONSTER."

I buy maybe a dozen eggs once a month. Less than that if I'm not making homemade ice cream. I barely used to buy milk at all before the ice cream maker as well. I have to push to drink a gallon a month.

Also the vegan pickings at work are reallllly shoddy. Like, everyday I'd be having the same thing.

And finally I can't manage to gain weight while EATING fatty things like whole milk and eggs. I'm not so sure my metabolism will support me going vegan, especially not while I'm 15lbs underweight.

Furthermore, a lot of the meals I make for myself are actually vegan already (pasta with olive oil, lentils and rice with lemon, etc.) unless I end up adding cheese last-minute.

But I feel bad, guys. This happens every time and it's HARD for me to shake guilt off.

I am tempted to see if I could manage to pull off a vegan ice cream in the ice cream maker but otherwise I'm trying to tell myself that no, going vegan due to some horrible guilt and not because I honestly, truly want to sounds like a terrible idea.

Writing and Dinner Time entry later; feeling honestly anxious this morning and need to get to the bank before work.

Edit - I was so busy being frustrated by barking dogs at the vet next door that I forgot to mention.

I was thinking of compromising to the Guilt Brain with a Vegan Day, sort of like how people do Meatless Mondays. On that such day I would needless to say go completely vegan -- alternatively I may do a "Vegan Weekend" or something. I was just thinking that every bit helps, and that sort of compromise would give me the room to try and gain some weight and eat what I enjoy (ice cream, milk chocolate, etc.) while still trying to make a different. Feel free to give me thoughts on this.

Tschuess.

Comments

[raze]

Oye, consumer guilt. I know you so well. In fact, I'm penning a convo between Trent and Sun on this very topic XD

On a more serious note: You know, I'm probably one of the only vegans in the world who won't go, "Of course you should be vegan!!!" after reading a post like this. Why? Because I myself frequently do not live up to my own ethics, not where diet is concerned, but in other areas of my life, and while it isn't something I *like* about me? I think it's perfectly human and something we all encounter at one point or another in life. I do not think someone is diminished by their inability to "walk the walk," and in this case, since we've discussed it before and you AREN'T a philisophical vegan but rather a welfarist? You're not really "talking the talk" anyways, which makes for less of a conflict insofar as I can see.

At the end of the day, you need to balance your ethics/mental wellbeing with your physical wellbeing. If being vegan is not plausible for you from a health perspective, I don't imagine your symbolic gesture will do much good if it lands you in the hospital. I could prattle about the various ways to supplement caloric intake while remaining vegan as I've had to become a PRO at it this past year or so with all of my healthcrap, but I think we've had this discussion to some extent before and both your complex relationship with food and the availability of what you would need proved prohibitive. Basically: I acknowledge the fact that mentally and practically, you probably aren't going to be able to be that person who gloms down avocados, nuts, seeds, nut butters, beans, and nasty nutrient drinks when the body demands it and that's okay.

This being said: if you think you can safely, healthily have a vegan day or vegan weekend and think it will benefit your mental health? Go for it. I see one of two outcomes: you either have a day or two of the week where you get to experiment with fun food and feel good about yourself, which is awesome, or you find enough resources and variety while devising these meals to succeed at going vegan, which would also make you feel good about yourself. Either outcome soudns like a step in the right direction for you, mentally, so I'm all for it.

... Plus I selfishly want to see what recipes you'd come up with ;)

[breezeshadow]

I should probably respond to this.

So I haven't really done a vegan day yet; it sort of fell off of my "to do list" considering everything else that came up. I am, however, thinking I will be stricter with myself about cheese. I've sort of ignored the whole rennet issue, but I feel like, at least in my own house? I should be only buying animal rennet free cheese, because I actually have control over that.

I don't think I'll be able to do that for cheese outside of my home, if only because it won't be reasonable to avoid cheese like that and gain weight "easily" (because it's so simple right now xP ).

But maybe once life has calmed down, I can consider this again :)