Rabble rabble rabble
Jun. 22nd, 2014 11:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
breezeshadowThis post may get a bit rambling, but hopefully it'll all make sense.
So on Saturday I drove down to a coastal town a hundred miles from me to visit their aquarium with some friends. This was breaking new territory for me in many ways: I invited them out, not the other way around; I was driving welllll beyond where I'd usually go; and I was leaving the house to get to their place BY 9AM. And so on and so forth.
Unfortunately I think this was all a bit too much stress, combined with me being on an anxiety high (uterus, looking at you), and I was so. Very. Anxious. I took an Ativan at my friend's place while waiting for them to finish breakfast, and I still spent the day unable to handle two things: crowds and children.
As you can imagine, aquariums are full of crowds and children. So there was a lot of me being tense, fleeing situations, avoidance, and just me being a freak.
The good news is my friends are total sweethearts and handled me being a neurotic mess with grace. They told me it was fine if I needed to duck out if the crowds were too much, and were willing to move which table we sat at at the chocolate shop since we were right next to a table of shrieking brats (that isn't exaggeration. I kept wincing, and one of my friends started to get a headache). I felt so bad that I was such a mess, but they were understanding and encouraged me to invite them out again.
I tentatively mentioned us meeting up for board games this weekend for my birthday and they said sure, so we'll see if I get over that activation energy bump again.
I'll try to link some pictures later, but Facebook is FREAKING OUT at uploading them, and also my hands were shaking so badly that most of the photos are shit. But there are some I'll share.
----
Now onto other things. First: Scott Lynch's Red Seas under Red Skies has a mother-fuckin' dark-skinned single-mother-of-two PIRATE as a character. I'm not enjoying this novel as much as the first in the series (The Lies of Locke Lamora, an excellent book), but DAMMIT that character is made of win. Apparently some asshat whined at Lynch about wish fulfillment regarding her and Lynch very bluntly told him to shut the fuck up, women need wish fulfillment too, which, <3
My favourite character is still Jean because I don't even know, he's just funny and adorable and he carries around twin hatchets, leave me alone.
----
Finally, I'm almost done with the Gareth/Andy story (I know, SUPER SLOW writer). I can't figure out how to end it, which is normal for me. So here, have a random excerpt until I figure it out:
"Are you stuck?"
His lover's voice reverberated through his spine, but somehow it was soothing, like a massage against broken muscles. Gareth knew the question -- during high emotions, stress, or a full moon, wereanimals could morph into their animal form and be trapped. Gareth had seen Andy trapped many times, sometimes unable to return to his human form for days. Supposedly this could lead to further instability, but truthfully Andy did not have much more stability to lose.
How did wereanimals switch forms? Was it willpower, thinking really hard? Gareth closed his eyes and really imagined being a human, flowing out of this form and back into the other. Not even a single hair fell out, and he whined softly.
"You are probably stuck." Andy curled closer, lifting his head briefly to rub it against Gareth's. "You'll come out. It can take a few days, sometimes."
An uneasy silence accompanied the words; no doubt Andy was remembering how many days it would take him to get free, and Gareth could not stop the whirlwind in his head. He wished sheer frustration could return him to human form. While Andy was able to talk in his wolf form, Gareth understood it involved a bit of uncomfortable morphing of the throat to be able to speak, giving the somewhat garbled voice characteristic of most weres. But with no ability to morph, Gareth was stuck as a full wolf, with a throat entirely unsuited for human speech.
Andy sighed suddenly, lifting his head and sniffing lightly at Gareth's wounds; he was too exhausted to squirm or even wince. "They clotted. Means it'll be a bitch to clean them, so I think it can wait until the morning." He rested his head on the nape of Gareth's neck. "So I'll try to answer as many questions as I can guess you have."
Gareth's ears perked, his tail thumping once against the ground; Andy snorted, a rumbling chuckle escaping his mouth.
"Don't get too excited. We don't have many secrets that you don't know. So let's start with the most disappointing: there is almost nothing we've hidden from you about humans becoming weres." As Gareth slumped further to the ground, Andy nuzzled him. "We have a few records of it. Bit less condescending than the human ones. There are three cases in total, and all involved extremely ill or injured people morphing on their deathbeds.
"I don't think you will die. Or at least you better not." His lover gave him a rough nudge. "But I think it... Explains what happened. Your arm was blown off, barely recovered and then get attacked and injured further. I didn't think it happened unless you were dying, but..." Andy shrugged. "There's a lot we don't know."
He was silent for a while, no doubt allowing Gareth to digest everything. Gareth certainly did not feel close to death -- his exhaustion was nothing compared to the madness shortly after the bomb hit, when he felt that he walked on burning air, speaking with ghosts and avoiding assassins. He was too aware, of everything; certainly death was a tad more surreal.
I'm not used to Andy talking so much. I don't think he is either.
----
On that note, I'm going to take Red Seas with me to bed and either finish it or fall asleep trying. Hope you all are doing well.
Tschuess.
So on Saturday I drove down to a coastal town a hundred miles from me to visit their aquarium with some friends. This was breaking new territory for me in many ways: I invited them out, not the other way around; I was driving welllll beyond where I'd usually go; and I was leaving the house to get to their place BY 9AM. And so on and so forth.
Unfortunately I think this was all a bit too much stress, combined with me being on an anxiety high (uterus, looking at you), and I was so. Very. Anxious. I took an Ativan at my friend's place while waiting for them to finish breakfast, and I still spent the day unable to handle two things: crowds and children.
As you can imagine, aquariums are full of crowds and children. So there was a lot of me being tense, fleeing situations, avoidance, and just me being a freak.
The good news is my friends are total sweethearts and handled me being a neurotic mess with grace. They told me it was fine if I needed to duck out if the crowds were too much, and were willing to move which table we sat at at the chocolate shop since we were right next to a table of shrieking brats (that isn't exaggeration. I kept wincing, and one of my friends started to get a headache). I felt so bad that I was such a mess, but they were understanding and encouraged me to invite them out again.
I tentatively mentioned us meeting up for board games this weekend for my birthday and they said sure, so we'll see if I get over that activation energy bump again.
I'll try to link some pictures later, but Facebook is FREAKING OUT at uploading them, and also my hands were shaking so badly that most of the photos are shit. But there are some I'll share.
----
Now onto other things. First: Scott Lynch's Red Seas under Red Skies has a mother-fuckin' dark-skinned single-mother-of-two PIRATE as a character. I'm not enjoying this novel as much as the first in the series (The Lies of Locke Lamora, an excellent book), but DAMMIT that character is made of win. Apparently some asshat whined at Lynch about wish fulfillment regarding her and Lynch very bluntly told him to shut the fuck up, women need wish fulfillment too, which, <3
My favourite character is still Jean because I don't even know, he's just funny and adorable and he carries around twin hatchets, leave me alone.
----
Finally, I'm almost done with the Gareth/Andy story (I know, SUPER SLOW writer). I can't figure out how to end it, which is normal for me. So here, have a random excerpt until I figure it out:
"Are you stuck?"
His lover's voice reverberated through his spine, but somehow it was soothing, like a massage against broken muscles. Gareth knew the question -- during high emotions, stress, or a full moon, wereanimals could morph into their animal form and be trapped. Gareth had seen Andy trapped many times, sometimes unable to return to his human form for days. Supposedly this could lead to further instability, but truthfully Andy did not have much more stability to lose.
How did wereanimals switch forms? Was it willpower, thinking really hard? Gareth closed his eyes and really imagined being a human, flowing out of this form and back into the other. Not even a single hair fell out, and he whined softly.
"You are probably stuck." Andy curled closer, lifting his head briefly to rub it against Gareth's. "You'll come out. It can take a few days, sometimes."
An uneasy silence accompanied the words; no doubt Andy was remembering how many days it would take him to get free, and Gareth could not stop the whirlwind in his head. He wished sheer frustration could return him to human form. While Andy was able to talk in his wolf form, Gareth understood it involved a bit of uncomfortable morphing of the throat to be able to speak, giving the somewhat garbled voice characteristic of most weres. But with no ability to morph, Gareth was stuck as a full wolf, with a throat entirely unsuited for human speech.
Andy sighed suddenly, lifting his head and sniffing lightly at Gareth's wounds; he was too exhausted to squirm or even wince. "They clotted. Means it'll be a bitch to clean them, so I think it can wait until the morning." He rested his head on the nape of Gareth's neck. "So I'll try to answer as many questions as I can guess you have."
Gareth's ears perked, his tail thumping once against the ground; Andy snorted, a rumbling chuckle escaping his mouth.
"Don't get too excited. We don't have many secrets that you don't know. So let's start with the most disappointing: there is almost nothing we've hidden from you about humans becoming weres." As Gareth slumped further to the ground, Andy nuzzled him. "We have a few records of it. Bit less condescending than the human ones. There are three cases in total, and all involved extremely ill or injured people morphing on their deathbeds.
"I don't think you will die. Or at least you better not." His lover gave him a rough nudge. "But I think it... Explains what happened. Your arm was blown off, barely recovered and then get attacked and injured further. I didn't think it happened unless you were dying, but..." Andy shrugged. "There's a lot we don't know."
He was silent for a while, no doubt allowing Gareth to digest everything. Gareth certainly did not feel close to death -- his exhaustion was nothing compared to the madness shortly after the bomb hit, when he felt that he walked on burning air, speaking with ghosts and avoiding assassins. He was too aware, of everything; certainly death was a tad more surreal.
I'm not used to Andy talking so much. I don't think he is either.
----
On that note, I'm going to take Red Seas with me to bed and either finish it or fall asleep trying. Hope you all are doing well.
Tschuess.
no subject
Date: 2014-06-25 11:43 am (UTC)Also, kudos on getting out and doing friend stuff despite the anxiety; seems like a big thing to be the one who initiated the plans, and I'm glad they're good supportive folk!