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Being outside of college and grad school gives me this funky sort of lens to look at how my behavior is completely warped by stress.
I know that probably sounds very "Oh no shit Sherlock?" but no seriously. Just a few things that I suddenly find myself independently deciding to do, without any sort of cajoling or guilt-tripping from other parties:
1) Exercising, and so far, keeping it up (hasn't even been a week so let's not celebrate yet, ha)
2) Grabbing food/snacks when hungry (today at work I got up when still hungry after lunch, grabbed some almonds, cranberries, and peanut butter, and ate it in this strange "stick the almonds and cranberries to the peanut butter on the spoon and pull it off with my teeth". It worked strangely well)
3) ACTUALLY WAKING UP ON TIME. It's been officially one month since I started working, and even when I don't actually move until the second-to-last or last alarm, I still get to work 30 min early. WHAT IS THIS SHIT GUYS.
4) Posting on Dreamwidth? I can't even explain that one.
5) Getting water from time to time.
it's a bit self-affirming, since I TOLD Gannett various times that I was stressed out (at least partially my own doing, of course), or told other people that I wasn't doing certain things due to stress or lack of time. Now I actually HAVE some free time, and fancy that, I'm considering doing things I wouldn't do in college. Also makes me want to smack Gannett in the face, two months out of their clutches, for just NOT FUCKING LISTENING. "Our brains are good at convincing us into thinking we need breaks" my ASS, it's because we DO ACTUALLY NEED THEM.
In other news though, still not really writing steadily. I think it's due to still being quite tired at the end of the day, so maybe I can try to start fitting it in on the weekends. I feel like writing after I swim and am thus much too wobbly to do anything reasonable is a good plan xD
I'm still not sure I'll keep up the exercise very long, as once again my shoulders are hurting (I did some weight training with 3lb dumbbells this morning and they're like "Haha fuck this shit."). I was given physical therapy exercises for my knees and shoulders waaaay back (years for the knees, a year or so for the shoulders), so I could try to get into doing those again. But I probably won't because, uh, I'm just really bad at doing shit doctors tell me to do (I have a wandering eye because young me refused to do eye exercises for it. This is just a personality trait of mine. A stupid one)
Also the whole "don't get endorphins" genetic fluke certainly isn't going to encourage me to keep this up. Come on, OCD, I need you here. Take over where evolution isn't!
Anyway, I've still got plenty of stressors here and there, money being the big one -- I spent a little more of my first (small due to only half a month) paycheck than I should have, and while I can pay for bills, I won't have much extra. I tried to soothe my brain by telling it that Hari would probably give me a little padding money if I wanted it, and that I don't really have anything I NEED to get right now, but you know. Brains don't listen.
I'm supposed to get reimbursement money from work due to moving, and that will be roughly another half paycheck. And my utilities are HILARIOUSLY low (my water bill was $30, and $10 of that was just a starting deposit) thanks to the glory of OCD. Seriously right now, uh, all that's running is the fridge, the modem, a lamp with an energy smart bulb, and my laptop's power adapter. >.> Water-wise it's... Uh... I guess whatever water a toilet uses when standing. I could likely save even more if I unplugged the toaster...
I learned the ways of penny-pinching from my mother. And frankly despite how much I complain about it in her? It's really helped me survive grad school and these months. All the same, I look forward to getting my second paycheck and saying "Guten Nacht" to living paycheck to paycheck.
And I am rambling, oye. I should leave this off and go back to things like virtual pet sites (I don't seem to use them nearly as much now that I'm out of school) and sleeping.
Tschuess.
I know that probably sounds very "Oh no shit Sherlock?" but no seriously. Just a few things that I suddenly find myself independently deciding to do, without any sort of cajoling or guilt-tripping from other parties:
1) Exercising, and so far, keeping it up (hasn't even been a week so let's not celebrate yet, ha)
2) Grabbing food/snacks when hungry (today at work I got up when still hungry after lunch, grabbed some almonds, cranberries, and peanut butter, and ate it in this strange "stick the almonds and cranberries to the peanut butter on the spoon and pull it off with my teeth". It worked strangely well)
3) ACTUALLY WAKING UP ON TIME. It's been officially one month since I started working, and even when I don't actually move until the second-to-last or last alarm, I still get to work 30 min early. WHAT IS THIS SHIT GUYS.
4) Posting on Dreamwidth? I can't even explain that one.
5) Getting water from time to time.
it's a bit self-affirming, since I TOLD Gannett various times that I was stressed out (at least partially my own doing, of course), or told other people that I wasn't doing certain things due to stress or lack of time. Now I actually HAVE some free time, and fancy that, I'm considering doing things I wouldn't do in college. Also makes me want to smack Gannett in the face, two months out of their clutches, for just NOT FUCKING LISTENING. "Our brains are good at convincing us into thinking we need breaks" my ASS, it's because we DO ACTUALLY NEED THEM.
In other news though, still not really writing steadily. I think it's due to still being quite tired at the end of the day, so maybe I can try to start fitting it in on the weekends. I feel like writing after I swim and am thus much too wobbly to do anything reasonable is a good plan xD
I'm still not sure I'll keep up the exercise very long, as once again my shoulders are hurting (I did some weight training with 3lb dumbbells this morning and they're like "Haha fuck this shit."). I was given physical therapy exercises for my knees and shoulders waaaay back (years for the knees, a year or so for the shoulders), so I could try to get into doing those again. But I probably won't because, uh, I'm just really bad at doing shit doctors tell me to do (I have a wandering eye because young me refused to do eye exercises for it. This is just a personality trait of mine. A stupid one)
Also the whole "don't get endorphins" genetic fluke certainly isn't going to encourage me to keep this up. Come on, OCD, I need you here. Take over where evolution isn't!
Anyway, I've still got plenty of stressors here and there, money being the big one -- I spent a little more of my first (small due to only half a month) paycheck than I should have, and while I can pay for bills, I won't have much extra. I tried to soothe my brain by telling it that Hari would probably give me a little padding money if I wanted it, and that I don't really have anything I NEED to get right now, but you know. Brains don't listen.
I'm supposed to get reimbursement money from work due to moving, and that will be roughly another half paycheck. And my utilities are HILARIOUSLY low (my water bill was $30, and $10 of that was just a starting deposit) thanks to the glory of OCD. Seriously right now, uh, all that's running is the fridge, the modem, a lamp with an energy smart bulb, and my laptop's power adapter. >.> Water-wise it's... Uh... I guess whatever water a toilet uses when standing. I could likely save even more if I unplugged the toaster...
I learned the ways of penny-pinching from my mother. And frankly despite how much I complain about it in her? It's really helped me survive grad school and these months. All the same, I look forward to getting my second paycheck and saying "Guten Nacht" to living paycheck to paycheck.
And I am rambling, oye. I should leave this off and go back to things like virtual pet sites (I don't seem to use them nearly as much now that I'm out of school) and sleeping.
Tschuess.
