breezeshadow | I can't Find those Right Words (Reply)

I feel antsy and unnecessary and almost useless.

And I can't really shake the feeling that it is my own fault and my own faults that have stuck me here.

Almost like a self-induced punishment.

I was fine with my cousin and we had a great time as we always do with our adventures, but now I'm back alone with no one immediately to turn and talk to, and I'm starting to feel like tossed out trash, like I've gone past my expiration date.

I feel that anxious want for someone to TALK TO.

And at the same time I feel that it's my own fault there is no one.

And thus: the useless.

Edit - And when mother gets home she is mad at me that I didn't make dinner even though I just got home and I'm just not hungry. I asked if she was okay when she seemed upset, she snapped "No I'm just tired and hungry and CRANKY" and then a while later "I was just hoping that some days you were home you'd make dinner."

I really am worthless.

Edit Again - And then she yelled at me for not putting the dishes in the dishwasher, asking me "You were out from 10 to 6?" Actually, I was out most of the day.

Now I'm starting to wonder why I even exist in the first place. This is not going to be a good mental night.