smw: A woman sits at a typewriter, pages flying, a plug in the back of her awesomely big-curly hair. (Default)
SMW ([personal profile] smw) wrote in [personal profile] breezeshadow 2012-09-14 12:07 am (UTC)

Oof, there goes my perception of the arc. That's far less clean and far more realistic.

And, taking this as an example:

"Well I may have tuberculosis, so if I kill us both, sorry in advance."

I see what you're trying to do, I think; are you going for a natural rhythm? In any case, I would revise it to:

"Well, I may have tuberculosis, so if I kill us both? Sorry in advance."

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