Dec. 20th, 2015 09:57 am
breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
Just a weird little piece I wrote this morning after some funky-ass dreams. Apologies for inaccuracies regarding space travel and all. Did minimal research; will try to brush it up later if I get the muse.

TW for bugs and blood )
breezeshadow: TEA TIMES ICON (ALLtheTea)
Sometimes you're just driving home, thinking about your characters while trying NOT to think about the horrible shit you read about last night (seriously, no more reading about the Yugoslav wars. I think the paralyzing panic I got while driving home was a cause). And it makes you realize that one of your characters had a good chance of working as a prostitute for a while.

And thus was born Alden the Prostitute:

TW for frank mentions of sex, including some very depraved sex )

My search history now looks extremely wrong due to the research I had to do for this. Also I haven't figured out what Layla looks like yet, whoops. I have an "Asian" -- no such thing in Malanee, but two countries in the Welen mountains were based on China and Thailand, respectively -- character I plan to introduce, but she didn't seem to fit as a prostitute (not to mention it felt wrong to do so) so she'll show up later.

And thus hopefully I'll get past the scenes where I have to pretend I know how sex and prostitution works. Oh boy!

breezeshadow: AWESOME TIMES ICON (DuckyWEEEEE)
I was playing on the Exhibited pet sim when this story came to me. This is actually the second draft, as I had an idiot moment and pressed the wrong button when it asked if I wanted to save.

Light mention of animal cruelty, otherwise nothing major )

[personal profile] raze and other rescuers can tell me how inaccurate any of this sounds. ;)

Comments welcome as always, especially since I rarely write futuristic stuff. This is what happens when I play a dinosaur sim and read Cloud Atlas. Note that the tissue engineering is probably pseudo; hard to say since it's so young, but it involves crazy shit like scaffolding and matrices and a hellll of a lot more than just a petri dish (I wanted to work with it before I realized it was research-only and I'd need a Ph.D).

breezeshadow: BRAIN PROBLEMS ICON (BrokenBrainGoldfish)
I think that I've been a bit secluded on here, which I've been a bit (okay, a lot) in real life as well. So forcing myself to post an update.

First off: the health news I got last month was confirmation that I have an autoimmune disorder, Sjögren's Syndrome. The shit clinic I went to in college found this originally, did not tell me, and then put it on my health record. This was a nasty surprise when I got rejected for insurance, before Obamacare stopped that especially shitty insurance practice. I kind of ignored it because I didn't show the classic symptoms, but in early October I had a very nasty week where my joints hurt horribly, I was exhausted, and furthermore I couldn't really THINK.

I went to the doctor since my knee at that point had been hurting for a full week, and she offered to check for rheumatoid. I mentioned the diagnosis from two years ago, and sure enough: it's there, chilling out, because my body things chronic illnesses are Pokemon.

So far it hasn't done much -- Sjogren's isn't usually diagnosed until people are in their 40s, so I have many years before me to try and kick it in the shins and keep it from getting too severe. Right now my joints hurt horribly, but I think it's my hormones punishing me for not getting pregnant. How dare I, truly.

On the writing front, I am participating in NaNoWriMo, despite this month being crazy for me work-wise. Tonight for instance no writing will be happening despite me being behind a day, because I am simply too exhausted. I am rewriting the second part of Abandoned Gardens, and right now at about 17K (so about 3K behind).

On the life front, one of the top reasons I'm exhausted is not work, but my brain being apeshit. Please enjoy this acid-trip-without-the-acid dream, created by my lovely brain instead of letting me sleep restfully last night, as posted on my FB:

"Okay, really brain? I dream that my family adopted a Basset Hound named Anna, except Anna was apparently some freakish Basset/hawk hybrid considering she suddenly flew off, grabbed a freakin' VULTURE, and began dropping it from a high height to kill it? You realize that seagulls do that to shit like crabs to crack them open, and I don't think it works on things that can, you know, FLY. Also why did the vulture turn into a peacock? And why the FUCK did I then dream that some evil asshat was trying to kill people/take over the world and locked me outside my own house in like, 20 degree weather?

I want a new brain."

Truly. The vulture part was truly gruesome; I will spare you all the details because no one should have to know, and I'd rather just forget about it all. Though [personal profile] raze, I will love you forever if you draw the bonkers bassethawk.

That, in a rambling not-nutshell, is how things are going here. I am actually going to tuck into bed early because right now it hurts to sit, and I know that by tomorrow most of this stupid "How dare you not get pregnant, you must be punished" shit will be gone and I can be a human again.

Hope you've all been well.



Sep. 20th, 2014 01:50 pm
breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
Forget-me-not sayeth the flowers, seeds of burrs and petals of baby blue.
But oh, what did you do to never be forgotten, with your mouse's ears and fingertip flowers?
What have you heard, Myosotis?
Should we not forget, because you cannot?
What have you seen, clustered in dozens along her cobblestone walls?
O! if you could but talk, the stories you could share, like the fly on the wall in her kitchen, hearing the buzz of a timer that received no answer.
Why are you so blue, Myosotis?
Who turned those petals red, the color against the wall, whose eyes lay open and sticky?
O! poor flowers and flies and walls, stuck in their ways and worlds.
We will not forget you, Myosotis.
We will maintain the garden of memories, alongside her cobblestones.


Prompt "forgetting". What in the WORLD this is, I couldn't tell you.

Once I finish a few other stories, though, I'll have a very late bingo for [community profile] origfic_bingo.
breezeshadow: ANXIETY TIMES ICON (FeedbackHell)
Title: Lavender
Genre: Fantasy
The Troops: Tegre and Cassandra
Status: Complete but very rough
Rating: PG-13, disturbing imagery and also just very depressing
Summary: Sometimes your body stays alive while your brain slowly rots...
Prompt: NA
Author's Notes: I'm not too happy with this, but I AM happy to have finally finished something. I'll let this stew before going back to flesh it out a bit more. This story was first posted here.

Major TW for depression, familicide, physical disability )
breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
TW for graphic injuries, casual mention of rape, murder, etc. )

Inspired by [community profile] dailyprompt's we've been given a second chance" prompt. I have some idea of where it's going, but will have to stew on it.

I blame your writing, [personal profile] raze ;)

breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
Apparently I'm posting a lot today; apologies. I just really need to get a rant off of my chest.

TW for end-of-earth apocalypse, sociopathic assholes )

So I think I'm just going to hide his posts, possibly unfriend him altogether. I don't have time for this kind of nonsense.

breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
I don't know if you guys heard, but there were rumours flying around a few weeks ago that Ragnarök was coming. Needless to say, since we're all still here and NOT engulfed in flames, it didn't.

But apparently my brain didn't get the memo, and I woke up with a vague memory of a very strange dream.

Typical 25-year-old male narrative below )

Let's face it, if Ragnarök WAS coming? It had better be some epic shit like this.

breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
It's been a very long time since I've had any sort of "detached from reality" experience. I guess my brain thought they'd be fun.

For whatever reason, ever since driving to work this morning, I keep becoming overly aware of my eyes.

By that, I mean I suddenly realize, acutely, that I'm SEEING things. That I have these two things in my face that are able to take in light and somehow turn it into a bright, vibrant WORLD. I'm able to see this and that and this and I start to feel my eyes specifically, in their sockets, and the whole world feels WEIRD because WHOA.

Seriously. The outside world starts to feel unreal because I become so acutely aware of the fact that I see it through two mere grape-sized objects in my skull.

It's this really strange, "detached from my body" experience, and it happens whenever my attention drops enough. Just... Wha.

The whole science of vision is pretty cool and all, but I don't need to be this acutely aware of it, brain. Can I go back to just taking for granted how amazing it is that I have this? That was WAY less distracting.

Also random: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith linked some hilarious how to deal with sighted people. And it makes me want to learn braille. My vision is pretty shitty (and it's cheerfully getting worse, to the point that my night vision is AWFUL), but I have an absurdly acute recognition for certain textures and feelings -- I was the kid that would see braille and feel it, fascinated. I bet I could translate that into learning it.

But for now I'm going to try and destress. Been having weird symptoms all week, and I think it's stress from a major project at work. LDx said I had done a good job and mentioned they may have me "oversee" someone, so all is going okay, just lots needs to be done.

breezeshadow: FML TIMES ICON (FMLBear)
Traffic on the highway to IKEA? Annoying but whatever.
95lb dresser, need help getting it down? No big deal, it happens. Needing help from a random sympathetic stranger to get it to my apartment? No big deal, just shows that my town is not full of the evil people everyone claims exists.

Can opener won't open can and keeps getting jammed? Attempts to use the churchkey to slice away pieces of can stuck to lid result in can splashing and soup going everywhere?

"STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT HANDHELD CAN OPENER WHY DO THESE THINGS EXIST THEY NEVER WORK! *wipes up kitchen, tries again with hand can opener, fails, throws thing onto ground and then kicks it*"

I lose my temper over things that matter.

(Though seriously, this thing ALWAYS jams, it's once in a while that I get it to work. WHy do these pieces of shit exist? All they do is make one pop, and then just sit there while the wheel rotates uselessly. EVERY single one of that design that I've found does this. What the hell is the point?)

A part of me half-hopes I broke it because then I'd have an excuse for the OCD to let me buy a new one, but it's solid metal, I imagine it's fine. Which means there will be another day of Me vs. Butterfly Can Opener.


Edit - To make this seem a bit less like I'm slowly going over the edge, here, have something cute:

I want to cuddle it.
breezeshadow: FML TIMES ICON (FMLBear)
So I already had to postpone exercising today. Because last night when I went to bed, almost every last joint I own hurt. And my lower back. And my inner thighs even though that doesn't even make SENSE.

I wake up this morning and ended up laying in bed because I was a) exhausted and b) my shoulders have decided that this? This shit isn't okay. This shit is going to end in a pile of knotted pain that is not solved by trying to stretch them but instead makes them hurt MORE.

Also my elbows are making their presence known (What the fuck did I do to make YOU guys sore?), my left knee is just unhappy probably just to join the fun, my neck is stiff, and all in all I'm wondering if I walked away from bed at night to sleep on a rock.

Hopefully work activities will convince most of these to unknot and sort themselves out, so I can try something low-weight-bearing tonight. But this?

This is why I don't exercise.

First off I don't get endorphins from it, ever, no matter how long I exercise for. I always just end up panting, sweating, and pretty much never with that supposed ":D" feeling you're supposed to get. I think my mother is the same way, we're just genetic flukes like that.

And second my joints can't handle it. Not even stuff that BARELY INVOLVES THEM.


Time to finish my breakfast and start working.

breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (Default)
In which Mahli saves a town, and finds the other sentient inhabitant of the private zoo.

Trigger warning for unwanted mind control, description of dead bodies, general trauma )

Not sure my feelings about the demon's current reactions. Or the prose. Or anything.
breezeshadow: Is it not adorable? (PumaKitten)
Sunday, I got into a car accident. The car I loved, that I got as a graduation gift from my car after I totaled my LAST car, the Prius, my dream car? It is totaled. It is gone, I cleaned it out today. I have random bursts between wanting to cry, feeling mostly normal, and then wanting to Trigger warning: suicide ) Basically, I really loved that car.

So tonight, instead of doing work? I wrote something horrifying. Like, I horrified myself.

Trigger warning for brutal violence/mauling/death )

En... Enjoy I guess? I actually lately find violence to be really unsettling, so I think I triggered MYSELF. Fail.

Think I'm going to go sleep, now. I have nothing to do tomorrow, and I think I need the rest.

breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (BizarreCrush)
I was woken up by the dog barking, and then by my mother yelling at him in a rage. After a while I get up, change into my jeans from yesterday (I'm already wearing yesterday's clothes otherwise) and head upstairs to discover that Charlie apparently peed and shit all over the house despite my mother bringing him outside multiple times. He's going to earn the nickname Asshole at this rate. My mother was venting about how she may return him to the pound. We loaded him into the cat carrier, my mother in frustration accidentally hitting the dog's head on the top of the crate, and then got him into my car to go to the vet.

He's quiet on the way there, licking the sides of the carrier for some reason. My car seems a little off, and as it struggles on a hill I press down on the gas.

The car beeps frantically at me, displays three warning lights, and the engine shuts off. Shit, I think, but I really need to go to the vet and if the car dies I will just walk the dog there and call AAA. I pull over as I coast into battery mode -- yay for hybrids -- and put my emergency lights on, though since this is CT people don't realize that means PASS ME. I reach the vet, they aren't even open yet, I pace around with Charlie on a leash since the carrier was just because we don't have a better way to transport him in the car.

The vet opens and I drop Charlie off with plans to call around 3 to see how he did and to pick him up tomorrow (he's getting neutered, microchipped, and tested for heartworm). Then I go back to my car. It displays two lights when I turn it on: "Check engine" and the big fat "OH GOD NO DON'T DRIVE ME DANGER!" exclamation point red light.

Because it's 8AM, I haven't been sleeping well, and I'm a LITTLE too enthusiastic about my hybrid, I try to drive it solely on batter to the toyota dealer across town. Of course it can't do it. It makes it at most one mile before it stops displaying the MPH at all and I coast it to a stop on the side of the road, get out, call AAA. As I'm on the phone with them a police car pulls over, lights on, probably because I'm a pulled-over car on Main street. I apologize to him and explain. He calls a tow truck because apparently when the police contact AAA it's serious business.

We chat a bit, the policeman agreeing that people are stupid when I told him that no one could figure out what pulling over and e-lights mean, and then the tow truck shows up and drives me the four miles over to Branch. They're confused since they got no warning a Prius would show up, but the tech gets to work on it. They don't know what's wrong. My phone dies in the mean time. I chat with my father using the service phone. We authorize another hour of service as the tech is apparently going insane and tearing the car apart to try and find the issue. I finally walk to Dunkin' Donuts around 10:30AM and have my first meal of the day.

Then after I have finished my hot chocolate and used the bathroom the guy gets me. I can't read his face. He seems dumbfounded but not happy. Finally worried I ask what the problem is.

He tells me about the way the gas pedal is hooked up to the engine and the throttle. And says the tech found a twig.

A TWIG. Not even a big stick, a little TWIG.

Apparently mice sometimes try to build nests inside the cars. The battery may be damaged from me running it so low but the tech took it out for a ten-mile drive and it did fine. It ran smoothly on the way home. I think the tech was trying out Nightwish, he had the stereo up to like 35 (I usually have it around 20) before he turned it off.

But yes.

I paid $202.07 because a twig got lodged in my car.

Poor tech. He needs a drink. I don't even feel TOO horribly ripped off because hell for ripping my entire car apart to find just THAT, he deserves a little extra. Yeah I'd rather have not paid that much on one little twig but he also recharged my battery, cleaned out the entire throttle body, and cleaned the sensor so.


My life is so weird.


breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (Default)

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