breezeshadow: ANXIETY TIMES ICON (FeedbackHell)
This post may get a bit rambling, but hopefully it'll all make sense.

So on Saturday I drove down to a coastal town a hundred miles from me to visit their aquarium with some friends. This was breaking new territory for me in many ways: I invited them out, not the other way around; I was driving welllll beyond where I'd usually go; and I was leaving the house to get to their place BY 9AM. And so on and so forth.

Unfortunately TW for social phobia )

The good news is my friends are total sweethearts and handled me being a neurotic mess with grace. They told me it was fine if I needed to duck out if the crowds were too much, and were willing to move which table we sat at at the chocolate shop since we were right next to a table of shrieking brats (that isn't exaggeration. I kept wincing, and one of my friends started to get a headache). I felt so bad that I was such a mess, but they were understanding and encouraged me to invite them out again.

I tentatively mentioned us meeting up for board games this weekend for my birthday and they said sure, so we'll see if I get over that activation energy bump again.

I'll try to link some pictures later, but Facebook is FREAKING OUT at uploading them, and also my hands were shaking so badly that most of the photos are shit. But there are some I'll share.


Now onto other things. First: Scott Lynch's Red Seas under Red Skies has a mother-fuckin' dark-skinned single-mother-of-two PIRATE as a character. I'm not enjoying this novel as much as the first in the series (The Lies of Locke Lamora, an excellent book), but DAMMIT that character is made of win. Apparently some asshat whined at Lynch about wish fulfillment regarding her and Lynch very bluntly told him to shut the fuck up, women need wish fulfillment too, which, <3

My favourite character is still Jean because I don't even know, he's just funny and adorable and he carries around twin hatchets, leave me alone.


Finally, I'm almost done with the Gareth/Andy story (I know, SUPER SLOW writer). I can't figure out how to end it, which is normal for me. So here, have a random excerpt until I figure it out:

No TWs that I can think of )

I'm not used to Andy talking so much. I don't think he is either.


On that note, I'm going to take Red Seas with me to bed and either finish it or fall asleep trying. Hope you all are doing well.

breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (Default)
Seriously, my ability to concentrate has been kind of shit, as has been my ability to keep myself entertained as a result. Regardless, today:

a) I bought eggs from some random guy in the next city over for $4, which is cheaper than Target's organic cagefree eggs. Somehow.

b) I got some writing done:

It took me too long to write the latter half of this scene )

So yeah. Thursday night work had a social event at the Exploratorium in SF. I spent most of it traveling alone, which was honestly a way better way for me to enjoy that type of thing. The only issue is that TW for anxiety symptoms ) I think I missed a tragic amount of interesting things as a result.

I get kind of judgmental when I talk about drunk people. )

Seriously. I've had to be gentle to too many hungover people, and combining that with my overall family's alcoholism, my tolerance for drunken shenanigans is extremely low. They are funny to watch, for me, only to a point, and then I just want to leave.

But yeah. Definitely a place I'll have to visit again.

I'm not really sure what else to talk about; my mother could only wrangle 30min out of me on the phone today, maybe because phones have been on the anxiety list lately as well. Or because she called me and not the other way around. Who knows.

Either way, I feel exhausted despite having no real reason to, so I'm going to try and relax a bit and not guilt myself over not writing enough.

breezeshadow: AWESOME TIMES ICON (DuckyWEEEEE)

I never did say my lover was human. More likely the travel mug of tea that fits into the cup holders. The stylin' cup holders. Also, I have the sketchiest garage ever.

Anyway, this is my new baby, a 2006 Toyota Prius. My father went through a decent run-around to get it from the dealer, who tried to get him to pay a ton for it because they were going to scrap his 2005 because pretty soon it will start breaking. To which my father explained he had a Ford Taurus last forever, and were they trying to tell him Toyota isn't as good of quality as Ford? He got to upper management shortly after that, and then on my birthday this little thing came home with me.

My mother threw a decent fit because for some reason posting about the new car and thanking my father without also posting about a CD, book, and DVD is a sin. Which just proves my point that this entire mess was a battle between the two of them over me.

Then I tried to talk about how she treats me and she told me to talk to her hand and all sorts of fun shit went down. Then my father told me to tell my brother that my brother should soon use his cell phone rather than the home phone to call, because soon my father won't pick up if he sees my mother's name and I'm just thinking "HAHAHA no." TELL HIM YOURSELF DAD KTHX. That or grow up a bit you know which one I'd prefer.

But then I got back from my father's and my mother has been friendly since and you know, I'll just count my blessings and hope next week's vacation doesn't end in an inferno.

Speaking of which we're bringing this baby up to Vermont! I don't know why. Suddenly, after refusing to TOUCH my father's 2005 Prius, my mother thinks she "has" to learn how to ride mine. Which makes me really uncomfortable, to be honest, because since I'm only going to be home one more year in theory I'm not sure why she "needs" to learn how to. But hey, one neurotic worry at a time.

... Oh God I just realized she's going to drive the way she normally does with my poor baby and ruin its gas mileage DAMMIT NOOOOOO *flails around*

But anyway, we're going up to Burlington VT and I am apprehensive about it, not because it's Burlington, but because it's a family vacation. And I am sharing a room with my mother. And my mother is always a control freak on vacations, and I don't trust her saying she won't be. That and I'm terrified we'll be broke because we have to pay for our own food up there and we always end up going to expensive places and agh. It's supposed to be a vacation but I'm already anxious about the entire thing.

Seriously, these days I have been less anxious at work than I am at home. Well, except when they put on the Yo-Yo. Because the Yo-Yo is evil. I've run that thing for three years now without incident, but that doesn't stop me from worrying when it starts creaking or slowing down a bit or, you know, being a mechanical machine.

Doesn't stop me from worrying about the other people either. I have pretty severe social anxiety disorder, and I'm pretty certain that no one likes me there, that they think I'm strange, etc. And so I just stay fairly quiet most of the time unless one of them talks to me first, which does happen fairly often, but doesn't stop me from freaking out.

Of course it has been two days since I've been at work which also has me having a minor freak out, since I'll freak over anything. Because I'm just that special. *snort*

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this entry, but tomorrow my awesome cousin and I are going to the farmer's market to see if we can find any particular exciting produce, to then cook and devour. And then I have to go to work. Fun times!

And during all of this freaking out, I forgot to talk about my birthday! So I turned twenty-one, and it would have been slightly more eventful if I didn't have the most sensitive stomach on the face of the planet. We went to Chili's, a restaurant I love, and I ordered a magarita.

Or maybe it was a small swimming pool, not sure. It started off tasting pretty good, and then my body did what it always does -- slowly, the drink started to taste like pure alcohol. And then, in a new twist, half-way through the drink my stomach had a completely freak-out session, to the point that I couldn't even eat most of my dinner because my stomach hurt so badly.

So yeah, utter stomach fail. I got some decent gifts -- DVD, CD, video game, book, car, the works.

Then on the fourth of July my mother held a picnic and I helped cook for it and she flipped out at me just because I was rinsing beans in the sink but anyway. She made a sangria and I tried it and even though she had diluted it tons it tasted like alcohol or something gross. I'm not sure how anyone manages to get drunk, because I'm never going to manage it at this rate. I'll either fall asleep or vomit before even getting tipsy. *facepalm*

Also, working on fourth of July at the amusement park is like working a busier, long Quarter Night. And I was on the Yo-Yo. THANKS GUYS.

I guess it's better than cleaning the bathrooms on Quarter Night, which yes I did. I was on the Mini Himi, which is the slowest ride ever, when my manager came over and asked if I was willing to clean the bathrooms for extra pay.

I said yes.

Not doing that again any time soon. I cleaned, over the course of the night, a pad on the floor, two dirty diapers on two separate occasions, and then someone missing the toilet. No joke. It was horrifying. I tried to avoid the bathrooms for the next few days, but I'm pretty neutral with them now.

My managers were grateful, at least. We'll see if the extra pay comes along. *laugh*

Okay, now I think I am done.



breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (Default)

August 2016

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