I keep having fantastic dreams that I can barely remember the next day -- dreams where the world is a fantasy place of magic, dreams where my boyfriend implicitly insults me, dreams that make no sense once I wake up, especially since they are little tendrils that rapidly fly out of my hands. I think it is perhaps why I keep waking up so tired -- I wake up at my 10AM alarm, but do not have the energy to leave the warmth and weight of my bed. Having the binary blanket on top of me at night adds so much comfort, and for reasons that hard to explain -- it helps trap the warmth, but also feels heavy
on me, which for some reason makes my bed that much better for me.
And now that I'm back in Ithaca, I'm already getting the need to do WORK -- but I can't work on my research project yet, and the dining hall doesn't open until Sunday, and so instead I just kind of fret around with too much anxious energy and no where to really throw it. PMDD isn't helping. It just makes me antsy AND cranky.
So I'm basically struggling to let my brain understand that yes, we can still play video games, because there is nothing to worry about; and also find things to do with my day. Because location matters to my OCD.
I called a new psychiatrist and left a voicemail that forgot to state my name. Pretty typical Brittany, there.
Also on Saturday my boyfriend is going to India for two weeks and I am going to miss him so much :( Especially since within, like, a few days, my brain will decide he's dead somewhere. Go go, brain.
So yes. Writing may be a bit delayed as I try to get my brain to understand that it's okay, really.
Little vampire doodle of a certain vampire you all know and love. I have to change the anatomy up a bit, she looks more like a dog/pony than a lemur, but yes. Random doodles! Reference