breezeshadow: BRAIN PROBLEMS ICON (BrokenBrainGoldfish)
I think that I've been a bit secluded on here, which I've been a bit (okay, a lot) in real life as well. So forcing myself to post an update.

First off: the health news I got last month was confirmation that I have an autoimmune disorder, Sjögren's Syndrome. The shit clinic I went to in college found this originally, did not tell me, and then put it on my health record. This was a nasty surprise when I got rejected for insurance, before Obamacare stopped that especially shitty insurance practice. I kind of ignored it because I didn't show the classic symptoms, but in early October I had a very nasty week where my joints hurt horribly, I was exhausted, and furthermore I couldn't really THINK.

I went to the doctor since my knee at that point had been hurting for a full week, and she offered to check for rheumatoid. I mentioned the diagnosis from two years ago, and sure enough: it's there, chilling out, because my body things chronic illnesses are Pokemon.

So far it hasn't done much -- Sjogren's isn't usually diagnosed until people are in their 40s, so I have many years before me to try and kick it in the shins and keep it from getting too severe. Right now my joints hurt horribly, but I think it's my hormones punishing me for not getting pregnant. How dare I, truly.

On the writing front, I am participating in NaNoWriMo, despite this month being crazy for me work-wise. Tonight for instance no writing will be happening despite me being behind a day, because I am simply too exhausted. I am rewriting the second part of Abandoned Gardens, and right now at about 17K (so about 3K behind).

On the life front, one of the top reasons I'm exhausted is not work, but my brain being apeshit. Please enjoy this acid-trip-without-the-acid dream, created by my lovely brain instead of letting me sleep restfully last night, as posted on my FB:

"Okay, really brain? I dream that my family adopted a Basset Hound named Anna, except Anna was apparently some freakish Basset/hawk hybrid considering she suddenly flew off, grabbed a freakin' VULTURE, and began dropping it from a high height to kill it? You realize that seagulls do that to shit like crabs to crack them open, and I don't think it works on things that can, you know, FLY. Also why did the vulture turn into a peacock? And why the FUCK did I then dream that some evil asshat was trying to kill people/take over the world and locked me outside my own house in like, 20 degree weather?

I want a new brain."

Truly. The vulture part was truly gruesome; I will spare you all the details because no one should have to know, and I'd rather just forget about it all. Though [personal profile] raze, I will love you forever if you draw the bonkers bassethawk.

That, in a rambling not-nutshell, is how things are going here. I am actually going to tuck into bed early because right now it hurts to sit, and I know that by tomorrow most of this stupid "How dare you not get pregnant, you must be punished" shit will be gone and I can be a human again.

Hope you've all been well.

breezeshadow: Is it not adorable? (PumaKitten)
I am alive. No I am not feeling that much better. It doesn't help that eBay Car's brakes partially failed and I got a 2011 car instead that I need help with the insurance for, and feel like I am such a dumbass for getting a car that new even though I know it will last forever.

But I did not come here to vent because at this stage in depression, I feel like I shouldn't, because it's stupid and no one cares. Instead have some excerpts from Friendship in Winter (completed NaNoWriMo with it at 53510 words) and a story for a bingo card.

FIW Excerpt: The Old Home. TW for mentions of abuse, suicide, violence, general awful )

Two paragraphs that exemplify my wry style of writing )

Last from FIW: the gryphons )

Written today for the bingo story. Need to think up wedding vows before it can be finished. TW for mentions of homophobia. Hari mistook a paragraph of this for GRRM, somehow. )
breezeshadow: TEA TIMES ICON (ALLtheTea)
Total words: 12344.

To celebrate, have a paragraph: "The woman stared at the list a moment more, then put a small basket around her neck. Then, she suddenly morphed; her face elongated into a snout, whiskers sprouting from it, while triangular ears rose from her head. She felt gracefully onto all fours as her legs and arms bent, hands and feet shrinking. Soon, a large black cat nearing the size of a large dog stood where the woman had, escaping from the remains of her clothing before leaping up into the rafters of the stall."

In between writing I've been cleaning the house. It seems that I fell into a minor depression that caused me to not even realize how bad the house needed a cleaning until I was hating on myself for letting it get dirty. So the toilet and shower/tub have been cleaned, the kitchen sink was cleaned yesterday but could use another go, the stove top is cleaned with burners in progress, I tidied up the floor INCLUDING putting my laundry away, and right now am waiting for the kitchen floor to dry after mopping it.

Then I'm going to make cookies and ice cream to bring to work tomorrow.

That's about it here.

breezeshadow: AWESOME TIMES ICON (DuckyWEEEEE)
I was not aware this existed, so I'll do the first three days in one post.

Day 1 - Have you participated in NaNoWriMo before? If so, which years and what end result? If not (or even if so, for that matter), what’s your connection to writing? Why do you want to participate this year?

Yes. Way back when, in high school I believe, I tried to participate in NaNoWriMo. I ran out of motivation and failed miserably. This was around 2006. I'm hoping this year will be a victory.

Day 2 - What’s the title of your story? Why did you choose the name you did?

The name is "Friendship in Winter". This novel, ultimately, is about struggling with your past, and trying to find happiness among the shit that is the world. For the two main characters, it is not about finding your soulmate, or saving the world -- it is about saving themselves. The winter in the title represents not the season, but the cold, dark, depression that is their pasts and their lives -- and trying to make it through it.

Day 3 - Pick one of your female characters. Introduce your readers to her, from her point of view and her words only.

I am Kader. Yes, I am a woman, and yes I am a doctor, trust me, you will get fucking used to it eventually. No I do not usually wear dresses, just in case you haven't noticed, they're not good for heavy work, and again, doctor. If you have a problem with it then fuck off. I said an oath that I would save people and I will do my best to do that, unlike practically every other doctor in this fucking empire. You want comforting leeches and to die a horrible death? Go find someone else.


Yep. Onward to making breakfast, writing, and showering; I was going to go out today to a write-in, but I'm feeling REALLY horrible about how dirty the house is and want to fix it. Depression is no excuse for an unkempt house.



Nov. 1st, 2012 10:17 pm
breezeshadow: TEA TIMES ICON (ALLtheTea)
Last-minute, partially due to friends and coworkers, probably mostly due to OCD, I decided to write a whole new novel for NaNoWriMo. This is the Tegre/Kader novel, tentatively named "Friendship in Winter", and the first sentence is this:

"Tegre felt that he knew nothing in the world – and furthermore, that was the only thing he felt."

Wrote 3189 words today. Hope I can keep that kind of pace up for a while so when my motivation crashes, I don't have to work so hard to make it :P

Now to reward myself with games and stuff.

breezeshadow: WRITING TIMES ICON (BellaGUC)
This post is for me to announce that I'm actually Dr. Seuss reincarnated.

Just kidding.

So I plan to participate in NaNoWriMo. At first I was figuring I would start a whole new novel about Kader and Tegre's life (check their tags for stories about them). However, [personal profile] raze is planning to just work on hir novel, so I was thinking that maybe I could do the same with AG.

But I work on AG ALL the time, and think I may want something new. At the same time, though, working on AG seems a good pursuit. A crazy part of my brain is like "Work on BOTH of them! Work on ALL THE NOVELS!" but it also woke me up at 6AM this morning when I don't have to get up until 9AM, so it's an idiot.

So, read list. What do you think? SHould I pick the shiny new novel, stick with the old one, or tackle them both (with the new one as the NaNoWriMo one)?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Edit - Also, I am looking back into publishing a short story, and currently switching from the succubi story, which I have tragically lost interest in, to a very gruesome, dark fantasy-type story about a fractured vampire who was kept in a private zoo. Fractured vampires in my story have become disconnected from the vampire subconscious and network, which usually leads to tragic and horrifying results. If you're interesting in getting excerpts or helping me edit it for a solid manuscript, let me know :)



breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (Default)

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