breezeshadow: Is it not adorable? (PumaKitten)
I have a bad habit of assuming that I'm lazy or doing no work at all. It doesn't matter if it is a holiday or the weekend and I'm not expected to do work; if I spend my time laying around like a slug, I feel horribly guilty.

Image under the cut )

Today, I sketched a still life of Thalia bumming out near the patio door; planted some seedlings to start off the spring; and made the base for some homemade ice cream. I also did mundane things like take a shower and make myself a decent breakfast.

So leave me alone, guilty brain. I DID MY STUFFZ.

breezeshadow: Is it not adorable? (PumaKitten)
TW for frank discussion of failure and mental illness (ED, depression, anxiety) )

For those who may be concerned: I am okay. Just doing a lot of thinking lately, and this keeps replaying in my mind. It's not really that helpful, and I know it isn't, so hopefully putting it here will get my brain to cut that shit out and think about more constructive things, like which prompts to use for stories.

breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
It's been a very long time since I've had any sort of "detached from reality" experience. I guess my brain thought they'd be fun.

For whatever reason, ever since driving to work this morning, I keep becoming overly aware of my eyes.

By that, I mean I suddenly realize, acutely, that I'm SEEING things. That I have these two things in my face that are able to take in light and somehow turn it into a bright, vibrant WORLD. I'm able to see this and that and this and I start to feel my eyes specifically, in their sockets, and the whole world feels WEIRD because WHOA.

Seriously. The outside world starts to feel unreal because I become so acutely aware of the fact that I see it through two mere grape-sized objects in my skull.

It's this really strange, "detached from my body" experience, and it happens whenever my attention drops enough. Just... Wha.

The whole science of vision is pretty cool and all, but I don't need to be this acutely aware of it, brain. Can I go back to just taking for granted how amazing it is that I have this? That was WAY less distracting.

Also random: [personal profile] ysabetwordsmith linked some hilarious how to deal with sighted people. And it makes me want to learn braille. My vision is pretty shitty (and it's cheerfully getting worse, to the point that my night vision is AWFUL), but I have an absurdly acute recognition for certain textures and feelings -- I was the kid that would see braille and feel it, fascinated. I bet I could translate that into learning it.

But for now I'm going to try and destress. Been having weird symptoms all week, and I think it's stress from a major project at work. LDx said I had done a good job and mentioned they may have me "oversee" someone, so all is going okay, just lots needs to be done.

breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
Yesterday, my brain's thought processes were going something like this:

TW for crazy-ass anxiety )

I don't know. I'm going to shower and go to work.
breezeshadow: BRAIN PROBLEMS ICON (BrokenBrainGoldfish)
Sometimes, I forget.

TW for talk of mental healthy, anxiety )
breezeshadow: BRAIN PROBLEMS ICON (BrokenBrainGoldfish)
Severe PMDD swing today. I'd say more about it, but part of this swing is a feeling that I cannot whine about it at all, because no one cares and all I do is complain. So basically, this is mainly for me to say sorry for the silence and utter lack of interesting here.

I'll leave you with prose from the current bingo project.

Look, I'm worldbuilding! )
breezeshadow: BRAIN PROBLEMS ICON (BrokenBrainGoldfish)
In which my OCD Compulsions take a sudden downturn toward WTF )

The best part? The medication I am on right now is supposed to help this. While it appears to be doing a very cheerful load of nothing. Extra fun part: I'm happy that a solid CBT technique of diverting your thoughts/think of how to deal with the worst-case scenario/etc. does very little for me. This is not the first time I've tried it in a high-anxiety/restless situation and had it fail fantastically. When I'm not as bad, it works, but when I need the most? Takes a smoke break.

Brains be stupid. Does anyone have some ideas? I've so far been very resistant to therapy; the most solid thing I've found for high anxiety is yoga, and I can't really do that in the middle of a highway/workplace.

Now I think I will go sleep as I've felt exhausted lately.



Oct. 14th, 2012 12:37 pm
breezeshadow: WTF TIMES ICON (WTFCat)
Dreams that I leave work an hour lately, freak out, somehow slip back into work. but I work in some basement, and the main machine-savvy lab personnel is singing to himself as he listens to music, and doesn't seem to notice that my music is on too. I'm terrified of being fired.

Dreams that a good friend and I go to a grocery store, but I'm not a human, I don't know what I am, but it's not a human. I get home and my mother tells me to call the police, claiming good friend kidnapped me, and she makes me anxious.

Dreams that TW for disturbing imagery/animal neglect of a sort )

All of these scenarios, and more, all blend in my head into one night, and though I woke up multiple times, I feel like they just continued where they left off.

Basically, I have exactly the face that my new icon does, of my dear Sparkles, a childhood cat who died earlier this year: Dafuq.

Started writing Part II of AG. It'll be nice if I get the first chapter done by tonight, but I have to think about how to proceed from the beginning.

breezeshadow: AWESOME TIMES ICON (DuckyWEEEEE)
Apparently today is Craaaaaazy Pants Day!

TW for disturbing animal corpse imagery WTF? )

So that was fun and all. Also apparently my apartment complex's pool has been closed by the department of health, AND when I went to see if I got any packages, even though the office is supposed to be open, the guy wasn't there. So you know. I'm thinking looking for a new place to live, closer to my work place, may not be a horribly bad idea. It's not like I need to move tomorrow.

Then I got onto the road. First I was terrified anxious that my new FasTrak wouldn't work. It did, with a cute little beep and everything. But then I got onto the last highway leg and oh god. Oh god.

There were trucks and buses. And apparently today those just freak me out to no end. I kept startling, randomly breaking because I thought I'd get crushed between a bus and a truck, trying to hover near the other side of lanes without crossing the white line to avoid buses, etc. It was... Not especially safe and not a good sign of my mental state right now.

I am at least now in a quiet office environment with a cup of coffee -- it's odd how desk job somehow causes me to start drinking coffee, if only because I know tea isn't going to help me wake up -- so hopefully I can make it through the day without acting completely traumatized. Or talking about dead goats. That may seem sketchy.

Oh also. If you see a Blog Spot blog called Dinner Time with the exact same content as mine? It's me. I split it off from DW for family and friends who may be interested but whom I don't want to see the REST of what is on this journal. I'll still be posting Dinner Time posts here, they're just crossposted on the blog spot blog as well.

breezeshadow: Is it not adorable? (PumaKitten)
So I was watching videos from some liberal-leaning YouTube channel (because humans generally stick to things they agree with) when some ad about animals came up. I stayed to watch it, curious, since it involved legislating for and undercovering animals abused in factory farming situations. It also almost made me cry because this is me.

The organization is Mercy for Animals, which I then checked out because I've never heard of them and suspected a PETA organization. But it seems they're independent, and doing work to encourage a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle.

So then I start reading about the egg and dairy industry.

And I have no idea why I fucking do this, because I know perfectly well the sort of horrible shit that goes down in factory farming. And I could guess just from logic that cagefree, free-range, and organic don't really do jackshit. Because why would a major company like Archer Farms or Eggland, which offers the typical run-of-the-mill battery eggs, somehow offer "cagefree" as well? They sure as hell don't have a random extra pasture, is what I'm saying.

This of course caused the horrible guilt of "I am a terrible person condoning the suffering and death of thousands of animals, I SHOULD BECOME VEGAN OR I'M A MONSTER."

I buy maybe a dozen eggs once a month. Less than that if I'm not making homemade ice cream. I barely used to buy milk at all before the ice cream maker as well. I have to push to drink a gallon a month.

Also the vegan pickings at work are reallllly shoddy. Like, everyday I'd be having the same thing.

And finally I can't manage to gain weight while EATING fatty things like whole milk and eggs. I'm not so sure my metabolism will support me going vegan, especially not while I'm 15lbs underweight.

Furthermore, a lot of the meals I make for myself are actually vegan already (pasta with olive oil, lentils and rice with lemon, etc.) unless I end up adding cheese last-minute.

But I feel bad, guys. This happens every time and it's HARD for me to shake guilt off.

I am tempted to see if I could manage to pull off a vegan ice cream in the ice cream maker but otherwise I'm trying to tell myself that no, going vegan due to some horrible guilt and not because I honestly, truly want to sounds like a terrible idea.

Writing and Dinner Time entry later; feeling honestly anxious this morning and need to get to the bank before work.

Edit - I was so busy being frustrated by barking dogs at the vet next door that I forgot to mention.

I was thinking of compromising to the Guilt Brain with a Vegan Day, sort of like how people do Meatless Mondays. On that such day I would needless to say go completely vegan -- alternatively I may do a "Vegan Weekend" or something. I was just thinking that every bit helps, and that sort of compromise would give me the room to try and gain some weight and eat what I enjoy (ice cream, milk chocolate, etc.) while still trying to make a different. Feel free to give me thoughts on this.

breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (RogerAlone'd)
So yesterday I was just minding my own business at work, putting samples into storage, when my supervisor came over and asked me to come with her, because one of the lab directors wanted to do an "evaluation". We have three-month evaluations, but this was early for that -- like, a month early. "Dammit, I wish I had had time to STUDY", I thought as I went out to the front and followed my supervisor, the chief science officer, and the lab director into an office.

"You're not in trouble, so don't be nervous."

It's like they know me already. I relaxed a bit, now mostly just curious. The lab director was holding papers.

"To start off, we really like you."

I replied to that comment with a cautious "Thanks?" I don't know how to take compliments. He continued.

"You're very intelligent," then something else I don't remember, and then "But we feel that you could be doing more for the company than just processing samples."

At THAT point I got nervous again, but cautiously agreed. And that's when he told me basically, that he wanted me to move into the QA department that they were planning to start on. While also taking on some of my supervisor's work to relieve her of some of it. He told me that I already had the writing and communication skills for it, so what did I think?

I said okay, sure, and got congratulated by the chief science officer, which is what mostly gave me a hint that this was more than just a department change. Also, my supervisor asked me as we left "So was this completely out of the left field for you?"

Yes. Yes it was.

Too bad it hasn't stopped my brain from being insane. Trigger for depression, suicidality, anxiety )

In other news OMG ALAMEDA NATURAL GROCERY. You know those overpriced, healthy-crazy places that have hordes of rices and lentils and stuff in bulk and all kinds of weird fruit? Yep, one of those places. I'm in love. It reminds me of my cousin, who is very similar to me in many respects, and we would sometimes go to a natural store much like this one, and so that further gave me fuzzy feelings. As did the fresh produce. And the chocolate. They have Green & Black's which is SO hard to find out here :D Love.

Also work out routine is slowly coming along. Trying to remember to actually work out, joints seem a bit better, though today after barely 15min of swimming my head was pounding (?). Will keep trying.

And finally...

I feel guilty just posting about my life, so have a fake person's! )
breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (RogerAlone'd)
I have no idea what my shoulders and arms in general think they are doing, but this morning my elbow was hurting pretty badly, and my shoulder, and then continued to hurt for HOURS. It hurt to pick a small vial up, then put it back where I found it. Small motion, no big deal, hurt. Right now my shoulders hurt just from the sin of chilling on a couch. WTF, joints, I didn't even EXERCISE yesterday. Or Saturday unless you count lugging a 95lb box around (like pathetically dragging it kind of lugging) and lifting a 35lb one. WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE.

Yesterday I went to the San Francisco Zoo, my opinion of which is sort of two-faced. Some of the exhibits were nice, but a lot was left to be desired. I was especially displeased at, say, seeing a snow leopard able to wander an exhibit but then see its companion pacing in a cage way in the back, not quite out of sight. If you only have room for one snow leopard, you shouldn't have two. Also the pacing tigers and just sad-looking gorillas made me feel all guilty. I've been to better zoos before, but I know worse ones exist.

I also spent the entire walk with a T-shirt for the boyfriend in a bag around my left elbow, which apparently was traumatizing enough to (theoretical diagnosis) pinch a nerve and cause the pain mentioned above. Seriously, I got tingling in my fingers from time to time throughout the morning. This kind of weird is why I need health insurance.

Also my coworkers and I took the most ridiculous picture at the zoo in which I am seated upon a giant statue of a bear, one of my coworkers is grinning goofily on my left, and then just a general mass of people spraying out. A few of us look like we're not sure how we got there.

Then when we got back to a coworker's place they played... Beer pong. My interest in the evening petered out pretty quickly after that.

Also I may get my hours switched to the evening shift (11AM-7:30PM) which would be good since less traffic, and also staying up to like past 11PM like right now would be less traumatizing. My sleep schedule is naturally more toward 3AM-11AM, so this would work out much better. We'll see, I won't believe it's happening until it happens.

Speaking of that kind of doubt and negativity: Anxiety/irritability symptoms, hoorah! )

Not entirely sure I have anything else to talk about right now. I applied for health insurance (again, first one didn't work out because of some stupid clause) and am supposed to hear back by the 10th so here's hoping it's approved. My vision insurance was approved today, so at least I can make sure I'm not slowly going blind (I worry about REALISTIC shit. Though I probably do need new glasses.)

Also looked up therapist and psychiatrist, found one of each that look hopeful, will search out once I get insurance. Also found dentist place. Eventually I'll look into someone for general shit but I'm way more concerned about my teeth and mental health right now.

But I should sleep since it's coming on 11:30PM and I need to be up at 7AM.

breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (Default)
Being outside of college and grad school gives me this funky sort of lens to look at how my behavior is completely warped by stress.

I know that probably sounds very "Oh no shit Sherlock?" but no seriously. Just a few things that I suddenly find myself independently deciding to do, without any sort of cajoling or guilt-tripping from other parties:

1) Exercising, and so far, keeping it up (hasn't even been a week so let's not celebrate yet, ha)
2) Grabbing food/snacks when hungry (today at work I got up when still hungry after lunch, grabbed some almonds, cranberries, and peanut butter, and ate it in this strange "stick the almonds and cranberries to the peanut butter on the spoon and pull it off with my teeth". It worked strangely well)
3) ACTUALLY WAKING UP ON TIME. It's been officially one month since I started working, and even when I don't actually move until the second-to-last or last alarm, I still get to work 30 min early. WHAT IS THIS SHIT GUYS.
4) Posting on Dreamwidth? I can't even explain that one.
5) Getting water from time to time.

it's a bit self-affirming, since I TOLD Gannett various times that I was stressed out (at least partially my own doing, of course), or told other people that I wasn't doing certain things due to stress or lack of time. Now I actually HAVE some free time, and fancy that, I'm considering doing things I wouldn't do in college. Also makes me want to smack Gannett in the face, two months out of their clutches, for just NOT FUCKING LISTENING. "Our brains are good at convincing us into thinking we need breaks" my ASS, it's because we DO ACTUALLY NEED THEM.

In other news though, still not really writing steadily. I think it's due to still being quite tired at the end of the day, so maybe I can try to start fitting it in on the weekends. I feel like writing after I swim and am thus much too wobbly to do anything reasonable is a good plan xD

I'm still not sure I'll keep up the exercise very long, as once again my shoulders are hurting (I did some weight training with 3lb dumbbells this morning and they're like "Haha fuck this shit."). I was given physical therapy exercises for my knees and shoulders waaaay back (years for the knees, a year or so for the shoulders), so I could try to get into doing those again. But I probably won't because, uh, I'm just really bad at doing shit doctors tell me to do (I have a wandering eye because young me refused to do eye exercises for it. This is just a personality trait of mine. A stupid one)

Also the whole "don't get endorphins" genetic fluke certainly isn't going to encourage me to keep this up. Come on, OCD, I need you here. Take over where evolution isn't!

Anyway, I've still got plenty of stressors here and there, money being the big one -- I spent a little more of my first (small due to only half a month) paycheck than I should have, and while I can pay for bills, I won't have much extra. I tried to soothe my brain by telling it that Hari would probably give me a little padding money if I wanted it, and that I don't really have anything I NEED to get right now, but you know. Brains don't listen.

I'm supposed to get reimbursement money from work due to moving, and that will be roughly another half paycheck. And my utilities are HILARIOUSLY low (my water bill was $30, and $10 of that was just a starting deposit) thanks to the glory of OCD. Seriously right now, uh, all that's running is the fridge, the modem, a lamp with an energy smart bulb, and my laptop's power adapter. >.> Water-wise it's... Uh... I guess whatever water a toilet uses when standing. I could likely save even more if I unplugged the toaster...

I learned the ways of penny-pinching from my mother. And frankly despite how much I complain about it in her? It's really helped me survive grad school and these months. All the same, I look forward to getting my second paycheck and saying "Guten Nacht" to living paycheck to paycheck.

And I am rambling, oye. I should leave this off and go back to things like virtual pet sites (I don't seem to use them nearly as much now that I'm out of school) and sleeping.

breezeshadow: FML TIMES ICON (FMLBear)
I feel horribly twitchy today -- my arms feel a bit shaky and like they haven't quite figured out how computers and typing work, and I just feel so restless.

It doesn't help that my brain keeps yelling at me that I'm pregnant. I'm graduating with a Master's degree in Biomedical Engineering in May, and yet my anxiety hasn't yet grasped how babies are made. I had an ultrasound last Monday for unrelated things and yet my brain thinks I must have gotten pregnant SINCE then. If I end up coming home one day with pregnancy tests despite being not even one-month late on my period yet, we all know what did it.

This is why I'd love to just be spayed -- I've this kind of random phobia nonsense since HIGH SCHOOL. You know, back when I didn't even have a boyfriend, or had even KISSED anyone yet. I swear my brain thinks I can get pregnant by breathing in boy fumes.

I'm also worrying about graduation weekend months in advance. Something is going to go wrong, my brain KNOWS IT.

I also woke up this morning with a headache so awful I actually cringed and had to sit still for a moment before I could get up. Since a banana and water helped, I think it's a mix of dehydration and allergies. Going to try and be conscious of my water intake.

Goals for today: finish entering lab data into Excel and hopefully analyze it, so I can meet with advisors and figure out how to move forward. Read Ch1 of TLtS if my anxiety focuses. And don't buy pregnancy tests.
breezeshadow: AWESOME TIMES ICON (DuckyWEEEEE)
Guys can I just say.

Indoor humidity and temperature monitors would match my OCD lifestyle SO WELL.

Because then not only would I have a thermometer to check my OWN temperature, and a pulse oximeter to check my PULSE, but then I could compare the former with HOW IT FEELS IN MY ROOM, and be able to say for sure whether I have a reason to feel so damn cold/dry/insane.

The only problem is that I've settled so deeply into my "Money cannot be spent" cycle that I look at spending like $10 on one of these and go "Oh man. That is much too expensive." I could spend those $10 on PARKING, guys. Or FOOD. I was mad at myself this past week because I withdrew $100 from my savings. It's the first time I've withdrawn money from there except to pay rent since, uh, roughly September I think? CLEARLY THIS IS A SIGN I WILL RUN OUT OF FUNDS.

Also I've become a couponholic. In stores you will occasionally find me sitting on the floor in an aisle, off to the side, ripping coupons by hand to sort which ones I am using versus which ones are clearly rip-offs (Target SUCKS at coupon making) or just aren't going to be used that day. I likely look ridiculous but hey, I once managed to buy a pound of pasta and a pound of sauce for $1 so it's totally worth it.

It helps that Wegmans does stuff like "You want pasta? $0.79 for Ziti. You want brown rice? $0.99 for a pound. Canned tomatoes? $0.99 per can." I spent not even $30 at Wegmans last time I went while still getting wacky things like udon noodles, peppermint chocolate soy milk, and fresh kale.

Now if I could just stop spending so much on parking and random food items OUTSIDE of groceries, I'd be golden.

In other news: school is going absurdly well, actually. I'm not in danger of failing a single one of my classes as far as I know, and I think my research advisor is at least not disillusioned with me. People seem to think I'm being insane by doing research, four grad-level classes, and working 10-15hrs/week, and while I am pretty tired, I don't think I'm doing anything superhero-esque. Do wish I had more time to write and read, though.

One thing going not so well is birth control. My body hates it. Completely and utterly despises it. I'm calling PP tomorrow to discuss some of the symptoms I've gotten, and even though I said I wouldn't, I took the first pill of the next set of the 7/7/7 today. So you know. Hopefully my heart doesn't give out. New problem? Red welts on my left arm. Great. I may be allergic to birth control. (We're keeping me on it for now because almost none of these "side effects" make any sense.)

In other news, because I got distracted writing this yesterday so let's see if I can finish it up today: Weird dreams! My brain seems to be back to itself.

Friday night I dreamed I was a prisoner in a castle and was trying to find the ability to fly out of the window and to safety. There was weirder shit than that, like the castle being laid out like my high school, but sadly I can't remember a lot of it now.

Saturday night I dreamed I was trying to get to work but kept being delayed by things like my mother entering the bathroom and trying to talk to me while I was in the shower (privacy, mom, jeez), and then suddenly me LARPing with people in this odd building, again laid out like my high school, with a lot of us centered around this auditorium. I don't know.

And last night I dreamed my boyfriend was working at the dining hall with us and we were holding some special event that centered around letting people into this castle thing (what is it with my brain and castles lately?), but then when I would try to sit with the BF he would somehow get his seat in some difficult-to-reach place that was surrounded by tons of people and I just couldn't squeeze through. So then I was basically following him around as he was trying to return somewhere but we ended up in a bathroom, in which bathroom things happened, and then suddenly we were on the bridge.

The bridge in real life separates North campus from the ag quad, but in my dream it separated the real world from like, freakin' Narnia or something. It was snowy but the waterfall wasn't frozen, and I was on the bridge while BF talked to... Someone? I don't know but he turned around and I was TERRIFIED to be on the bridge but he didn't seem to notice until I didn't follow him. Then he turned around and I scampered after him.

No joke, I was starting to clamber around on all fours. At one point as I was walking with BF and possibly Nate and/or Neil, I went "Okay let's see if I can walk like a normal human." And I tried, but I staggered and failed so I went back to all fours and said "I'm too tall to walk upright!"

.... What?

So I just walked around like a dog and eventually we were eating at the dining hall or something and I woke up.

Brain, you make no sense.

Time to go to lab.

breezeshadow: AWESOME TIMES ICON (DuckyWEEEEE)
To my new watchers, hello! I know you're likely watching for the writing, in which case, uh, I'll try to get better about that.

To everyone, a couple of things:

1) I have decided to try and get something published. This means that I am working on a story that I would be willing to share for comments and critique, however, I cannot post it on here. It is about the succubi, from the POV of a succubus whose child is stolen by humans to be raised in society "for their own good". Which means is mega-depressing and has some creepy parts so hey, if you're interested, let me know and I'll e-mail or IM stuff over.

2) My brain is doing wonky stuff. I was really, absurdly relaxed over fall break, and for some reason that made the compulsive OCD thoughts kick in and tell me I'm secretly a psychopath.

3) Apparently the doctors found a >5cm lump near my father's intestines. When he first told me this I was all "All okay" and it took approximately five minutes and about five seconds of his "I'd rather die than go through another colonoscopy" for me to get to "WAIT WHAT?!". The doctors do not think it is cancerous but they sent it for tests; it is not life-threatening at the moment. My father is cranky about having to go through multiple surgeries to remove it which is understandable, it means more lost work but I also want to shake him because DAMMIT IT'S A LUMP GET IT REMOVED DAD I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE. So yeah. Here's hoping everything goes okay with him. His body seems to like forming gratuitous lumps of tissue -- he had surgery for nasal polyps once -- which has me nervous because I can see that turning into gratuitous amounts of cancer real quick. Ack. Just typing it up makes me nervous.

4) I had to cross out so many things when writing in my lab notebook today it probably looks ridiculous. Also my desire to eat -- I've been starving all day -- so badly outweighed my desire to make sure the microscope was functional that I think I may have ruined my results from it. D'oh. Though really, the gel was too old anyway so I likely would have rerun it, and it looks like WEIRD SHIT HAPPENED, but still. Fail, self.

5) I'm not sure how Lexapro and my body are getting along. For instance, I don't know if it was the reason I was incredibly ravenous today. Or the reason I'm having digestive wonkiness. Or the reason I'm a little spacey/chilled out. Who knows with me.

6) I feel this weird mix between "want to type a lot and do stuff" and "just want to sleep because there's no academic work to get done". Except lab work. Weird.

7) I have no idea where I'm going with this.

I think I should finish up my data analysis, I think I had only six cells left. And go to bed. Because I don't know WHAT my brain is doing but I think it needs to go to bed before it gets even weirder.

Edit - Haha. I get one cell in before I feel really tired, my energy crashes, and I start seeing things out of the corner of my eye. Good prank there, brain. Good prank. Bed time for me, a little early.

breezeshadow: Is it not adorable? (PumaKitten)
So I finally was convinced that eating dinner was important and got up to rummage for food. As I was walking toward the door, I passed near my sneaker.

Except my brain didn't register it as a sneaker. Instead, it registered it as a huge raw shrimp just laying on my floor.

I jumped a mile, and it was likely that motion that made my brain go "Oh. Ha! Just kidding! Just your sneaker!"

And then it almost happened again. My mind is utterly convinced that that shoe over there is actually a raw shrimp. The size of a freakin' SHOE.

Mistaking my shoes for the cat, even when I am away from home, was dumb enough. Now I'm mistaking them for things that don't make even the slightest sense at all.

I think I will mention this to my psychiatrist because hell, she doesn't think I'm crazy ALREADY, right?

Back to studying for Bioprocess engineering.

Also Giant shrimp need to appear in one of my stories. Jus' sayin'. Also I dreamt last night that I was on the run from the mob and they tried to gas me. Maybe today is just a bad brain day.

Sorry for the short silly post, but really, I'm too busy to have a life right now. IF that makes sense. It probably doesn't.

Until next time, tschuess.


breezeshadow: It's a wolverine, hey! (Default)

August 2016

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